Michael Quincy Nelson

2011

2011-04-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

Time flies when you don't blog, and the time in between is something to remember.

I've changed as a person since I last wrote, and the things I'm doing now aren't what I could have said I'd be doing then. But life goes on, and the world keeps turning.

I'm alive, and I hope you're doing well.
Michael

-- i'll start again

August 8

2010-08-09T18:46:00.000-07:00

The days have blended together and it already feels like summer has reached it's peak. It's been hotter than hell, but its like the only place for the temperature to go is down. We're all just kinda hangin out in the shade, waiting for the clouds to come back and the wind to pick up. I'm ready for the leaves to fall.

Maybe this year, before the new rolls around, I'll know where I'm headed.
I need to go to cooking school. I've needed some direction for a while now.
Things have been clicking a little more lately, and its nice to be on my own page for once.

Saving money is harder than it sounds.
The coming months could get really interesting -- Keep your fingers crossed.
Michael

3 more days

2010-06-27T17:31:00.000-07:00

July 1 I move into my new apartment. I'm excited for once, to be able to go home to a place. This past weekend was probably the best I've had in a while. Things came and went, and problems seemed to clear themselves from my schedule. It rained today, but I was at work, and we needed it. BJ is going home tomorrow till school starts back up again, I'm going to miss him. Friendships. Cigarettes. Rain. Moving.

--Things are good.
Michael

Life in the fast lane.

2010-06-22T08:07:00.001-07:00

Things have been moving pretty quickly around here lately. Relationships have come and gone, work passes more or less unnoticed, working out has gotten a lot easier, and it seems like theres something small to smile about on a consistent basis.

I've been seriously considering a couple of changes, and it's to the point now where I don't know if they are the best or most wise choices to make, but when the difference is more than just a couple of cents or a conversation that really backs no meaning or long term weight -- is there a reason to hold on?

Sometimes I feel like the things most important to me aren't what they should be, that I care about circumstances that really have no relevance in what will make my life successful, and continue to believe in those things out of doubt, or the unwillingness to believe that change can ever bring about anything positive.

Knowing where I've come from, and what I've put myself through in the last five or six years, understandably that is a lie; yet I can't quite tell myself to believe it. Or anything else for that matter.

I don't know what to believe anymore. Listening to the thoughts and feelings of others (more often than not) makes you a more compassionate and understanding person, I believe. But what happens when the people that are talking don't know what they want to say, how they want to say it, how they feel, or how to appropriately act on the way they feel with out stepping on peoples toes? I get it, I'm free to have feelings and so are you, but wouldn't you want your actions to reflect those feelings, and (in some cases) if your feelings aren't appropriate for the situation, shouldn't you act appropriately anyways?

Maybe it's me.

I guess I'm just trying to figure out how other people operate, in order to gain a better grasp on how and why they do the things they do.

Time to go to work,
Hurry back,
Michael

sometimes

2010-06-14T18:28:00.000-07:00

Its nice to just sit and smoke, and think and laugh and watch.

I've been working a lot lately.
BJ and I are on week 3 of P90X.

Summers still here, lets make the most of it.
--Michael

Listen to Wale - Contemplate.

Word to the wise.

2010-06-13T02:10:00.000-07:00

Quit being something you're not, telling two sides to every story.

Realize that there is more to people than what they show.

Don't take things at face value, because facial expressions change more than the second hand on a watch.

Look for the good, if its worth looking for, but don't give people too much, because they will exploit it.

Be you, for you.
--Michael

its june already

2010-05-31T02:22:00.000-07:00

It seems like everyone is gone. People all over the place. ChicagoX2 Europexlike15. Columbia is quite when there's no one partying.

dropped another pants size, drew a couple more sketches, starting p90x with BJ in a couple of days.

Things are good.
--I'm gonna try and update this semi-regularly now that everyones gone, as an effort to keep in touch.

Michael

Summer's Here.

2010-05-24T16:56:00.000-07:00

Poker. Tattoos. Beer. Fun.
Lets see where this one takes us.

alcohol

2010-05-03T07:07:00.001-07:00

doesn't treat me well.

Four Twenty?

2010-04-19T22:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know what all that stuff is about.
I've got a lot of work to do.
Jackpot

the words people say

2010-04-12T23:44:00.000-07:00

are funny. and sometimes don't make sense.

life doesn't make much sense, but i'm happy.
-Michael

April?

2010-04-11T08:57:00.001-07:00

"Love is the weight of a piano."

March Fourteen

2010-03-14T16:32:00.000-07:00

I woke up today with a headache and a bit of a spin.
I drank last night, I guess thats what I get.

The past week has been an incredible set of days.
My birthday was great, I have incredible friends.

Fuck yeah. Anyways.

I'm in a really good mood.
Michael

2010-03-12T08:02:00.001-08:00

march 12.

what a good day.

Shit.

2010-03-11T20:01:00.000-08:00

This is the last day i'll be 22.
Life really flys by.

-Michael

They call it procrastination.

2010-03-08T15:54:00.001-08:00

I've modified my diet as of a couple of days ago.
I've quit caffeine, and have been trying to make a conscious effort to eat more vegetables and fruit, and make better choices meal to meal and in between.

The weather is nice, and my birthday is coming up.
Monday looks like a good day to jog.

Here's to Spring, if it decides to stick around.
-Michael

March - June

2010-03-04T15:40:00.000-08:00

Someone said they'd pay me 100$ if I could lose 20 pounds by June 1.
I like money.

Lets get this party started.
-Michael

Testing, testing...

2010-03-03T00:43:00.001-08:00

I'm in the process of looking for jobs and sending resumes to places that are no where near home. It's an experiment of sorts. To see what I can get back, in terms of feed back, and see if I'm qualified (solely based on employment experience) to work in a different environment for a better amount of money.

It's nothing wholly serious.
I've got this itch, and I'm trying to scratch it..

Winter couldn't be over soon enough.
-Get excited.
Michael Quincy

Concluding 22.

2010-03-01T17:09:00.001-08:00

It's March, which means my birthday is coming.

I don't know if I've accomplished a whole lot in 22, but it definitley was a year of good times.

I'm interested in how things will shape up.
Still figuring it out.

Thanks for everything.
Michael

i'm almost 23.

2010-02-16T16:56:00.000-08:00

i don't have a career.
i'm not married.
i'm not buried in debt. not yet.
i'm alive.

this summer could be awesome.
i think it's time to find some adventure somewhere.

: )
Michael

Valentines Day

2010-02-14T17:33:00.001-08:00

is better spent with someone you care about.
Everyone's asleep.

Cheers.

It snowed today, and

2010-02-09T15:05:00.000-08:00

I realized the only one I can count on is me.
It's definitley a step in the right direction.
Sometimes, people just aren't who or what they seem.
Maybe it's a good thing.

.........

2010-02-07T18:04:00.000-08:00

Parks and driving just to drive. Stars, pipe tobacco, warm nights, fire. The feeling of hard work and the feeling of family. Smoking on the corner. Swimming in the middle of the night. Getting lost in the woods. Cooking. BBQ. New music. Excitement. Adventure.

what happened?
i think i've lost my way.

Very becoming.

2010-02-04T01:00:00.001-08:00

I think I've finally decided to try and be my own person.

Life is good.
Thank you.

Its 3am, and it feels like the afternoon.

2010-01-12T01:54:00.001-08:00

5th night in a row that I can't sleep. I think 2010 has got me anxious. There's a lot to be done, and it's all got to get rolling soon. I'm not really sure where I'll end up at the end of this year, but I think want to try someplace warm. Greener pastures.

Hopefully my health, and happiness stick with me.

My friends remind me what it means to be human.
I'm thankful for everyone around me.

Here's to a good year.
With Love.
Michael

It's 2010

2010-01-07T00:04:00.000-08:00

It's snowing outside. : )

I've been itching to go on vacation. March is lookin good.

The beach and the warmth would be welcome.

I've been working a lot. And I got sick.
I'm making progress.
Things are workin out.

-Michael

realworld/roadrules

2009-12-20T11:01:00.000-08:00

I started workin at the warehouse today.
It's a tough job.

I'll have a good amount of money coming my way.
Merry Christmas.

Things have been going really well lately, and I it feels good to know I've got good people around.

I'm going to Culinary School in the fall.

I've hung out with a lot of awesome people this past year, and I've been through all sorts of awesome stuff.

I don't know if I can feel more thankful.

Life is good.
--Michael

ps. Ice Skating?

weird

2009-12-12T20:48:00.000-08:00

I've been reading DearOldLove lately and I sent an email in out of curiosity and it got posted.

it's weird to read something you wrote in past emotional state, only to step out of that situation and read it later.

I'm better off with out it.

I want to watch Wall-E.
and Elf.

-Michael

Go to http://www.myspace.com/augustburnsred
Listen to O Come O Come Emmanuel. Christmas is almost here.

monday

2009-11-30T17:21:00.001-08:00

i realized that i have no control over where my life is going, and I'm completely okay with it.

i still want to go on vacation.

sometimes

2009-11-29T01:23:00.001-08:00

life rules.

i want to go on vacation.

10 19 2009

2009-11-19T15:15:00.000-08:00

Love, as if you couldn't lose.

Michael

2009-11-15T16:53:00.001-08:00

It seems like running from the unknown is almost as foolish as facing it head on.

this indian summer.

2009-11-08T20:50:00.001-08:00

it's november, and i'm still wearing flip flops. i couldn't ask for more.

maybe it could stay light out a bit longer.
5:00 just seems too early.

102009(2)

2009-10-29T21:26:00.000-07:00

Stuff's changin again.

It's weird to think how differently life can change from day to day.

I don't really know what's gonna happen but these next few months are gonna be interesting.

School. Friends. Family.
I'm thankful for it all.
With love,
Michael

Update 102009

2009-10-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

I started reading a "The Professional Chef". It's interesting.

I feel like, even though I know a few things about food and cooking and everything in between, there is still so much more to learn. Technique, etiquette, handling, timing, professionalism, procedure. It's everywhere, in everything.

I'm excited to learn. I'm excited to do.

Hopefully this literature will get me on the right track.

-- Things are going well.
Michael

Update - 091009

2009-09-10T22:57:00.000-07:00

I started working at The Upper Crust. It's a restaurant downtown that offers a pretty solid menu of things. Pizzas, sandwiches, soups, salads, pastries, breads.

I work in the kitchen. It's not a dream come true, but for a start, I think it's a good place. I have a hand in making everything we offer. It's definitley enjoyable.

I don't know, going from not knowing what was going on, losing my job, and having my world turned upside down to having an incredible learning opportunity, and getting a feel for what the culinary world has to offer is a huge weight off my shoulder.

I guess it's just a different sort of feeling when things start working in your favor. And in retrospect these past few weeks have been awesome on multiple levels.

I'm happy.
Michael

Update -- Aug 30 09

2009-08-30T13:36:00.001-07:00

Over the past few days a number of things have happened, and it has shown me even more than before that change is ever present.

The idea, notion, and reality of change is something that we can not stop control nor understand.

People say if something changes it's because it was meant to, or if one door closes another will open. However, as much as I'd like to believe that, it's hard for me to grasp a reality in which I have absolutely no handle on.

To put it bluntly, I lost my job, and in the process never felt so degraded or disrespected in my entire life.

I don't know what's going to happen, and I guess, as far as I know, I don't need to.

The people that I've chosen to surround myself with over the course of the past year have had my back and I've never felt so supported or loved. These are the people I call my family, new and old. And while, I may not always be surrounded by this group of people, this situation has led me to believe that I will always be capable of being loved and loving others. I've been given the opportunity to grow and learn. I've been handed the gift of choice, and I've become conscious of the value of fellowship.

I have a feeling that the next year won't be as planned out as I expected it to be, and I guess I'm beginning to believe that it's a good thing.

Thank You.

With love,
Michael Q

Today was rough.

2009-08-28T16:59:00.000-07:00

I got 'let go'.

I'm still trying to figure out how/why it happened.
--Michael Q

2009-06-30T15:32:00.001-07:00

i need change.
-Michael

Weekend.

2009-06-22T22:46:00.000-07:00

Spend the weekend in Chicago. Had a good time. Met some cool people. Had some interesting conversations.

I guess at this point in life, I can't say I'm surpised. I find myself wanting to move to a new place. New environment, new people, new experiences. Not because I have to, but because it seems like, every day that passes, brings with it a new load of shit to deal with.

I'm not really sure what's going to happen, and I'm not going to worry about it, but unless some things change fairly quickly, that's all there is.

I don't know what I'm gonna do for school, and much of an untruth as it is, I'm sure I'll be able to find a job.

Life goes on right?
-Michael

Tuesday.

2009-06-09T12:54:00.000-07:00

Sleep. Cigarettes\Beer - Manny. Shower. Pizza. Rain. Cigarettes\Writing\Reading - Manny. Books\Rootbeer Float\Cigarettes. Movie. Dinner?\Beer\Cigarettes. Friends.

It's been a good day.
Yesterday and the days before were really good as well.

Summer couldn't feel so good.
------------
I'm not really sure what's going to happen this fall. I don't want to think too much into it.

I'm really into the idea of flying to England for a minute. Walking down a foggy London street, stopping somewhere for a warm cup of tea. I'm not sure if it'll happen anytime soon. Maybe I'll go to Seattle instead. Either way. I think it's about time for another 'vacation'. Preferably somewhere with an ocean view. Being away helps me appreciate everything i have a little more.

Hopefully the rain slows up. My backyard is slowly flooding, like an empty pool. --Michael
P.S. I like that fact that you make me smile. It's stupid.

Timing is a bitch.

2009-06-02T00:46:00.000-07:00

And time, can make or break any situation.

I'm really glad it's summer.
I'm really glad BBQs and hanging out are becoming routine.

I'm ready to get tattooed again.
I'm ready to go on a float trip or three.
I'm ready to make some money.
I'm ready to take a road trip, and shoot fireworks into the ocean.

I have a feeling this summer will be one to remember.
With love,
Michael

Done.

2009-05-22T01:47:00.001-07:00

It's 3:45 Friday morning. I'm still waiting on my paycheck to hit, and I think I can finally say that I'm done with the drama.

I don't know what is going to happen, and at this point in my life I don't have to. I don't know what to expect, and no one expecting anything in return makes it a lot easier.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Tomorrow.

With love,
-Michael

pfft.

2009-05-21T00:15:00.000-07:00

I'm ready for it.

-Michael

p.s. I feel like an old man.

Hell yes.

2009-05-14T19:00:00.001-07:00

Manny found a friend.
That's cinnamon.

I'm stoked.
-Michael

Feeling time.

2009-05-13T18:07:00.001-07:00

The past few weeks have flown by, old turned to new, and doors that, once previously open, locked tight.

As school's nearing a close, Columbia has seemed to brighten just a little bit, day after day.

I've met some really cool people in the previous couple weeks. Hung out with some sweet ones. And partied with a couple of incredible ones.

As my window of opportunity closes and the end of summer ever approaches, I'm really excited by the plans I've made, and the personal goals I've made for myself, finally pan out.

On a positive note, the last two weeks have seemed a lot more exciting for some reason. I'm not really sure what it is, nor am I sure of whether or not to believe it is it. But it's nice.

"And as the day closed, the boy stood on the side of the road, head sunken, flowers hanging wilted in his hand, thinking."

-Michael

May 1.

2009-05-01T22:31:00.000-07:00

This year is almost half over.

I'm ready to wash my hands,
to swim and ride bikes and hangout,
to go on float trips and watch baseball games,
to get tattooed again,
to figure out what happens next,
and to see the ocean.

-Michael

Kansas City

2009-04-21T21:47:00.001-07:00

I get to go home this weekend. I need it.

I may go to a ball game, and I may get to eat dinner with my mom.
I'll get to see some old friends, and I'm sure to take a few pictures.

All in all I'm so excited.
-Michael

So much for April.

2009-04-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

My camera's dead, and I can't find the battery charger.
I have some pictures. We'll see what happens.

Shit's starting to look up, and I'm glad. Even though I still wish I could see into the future, it wouldn't be much fun getting there if I didn't wait to see what happens.

Party hard.
-Michael

To end the first week of April

2009-04-05T20:34:00.000-07:00

I want to say that I'm going to spend this month making an honest effort to take more quality pictures, and start posting them. I think this will give me something to do in the time I have outside of school and work and hopefully this will result in me cutting down on smoking, and shopping, and everything else that isn't such a good idea.

We'll see what happens, see what happens, see what happens.
-Michael

I feel like

2009-04-03T22:37:00.000-07:00

I live my weeks between Mondays. Hoping, that every time another rolls around I'll have a story to tell. A story about something different. Something clean. Something fresh.

I feel like every week is the same story: 3 days working, 4 days of school, and nothing in between. It's not totally the truth that I never have anything to do. It's not entirely true that I'm always down, lately however, it feels more that way than it has before.

Sometimes I feel like that second too long you left your hand on something that was too hot, or that cold you feel when your jacket isn't quite zipped and the wind screams through your body. Except, I can't control it.

I don't know what you'd call it. I'm not sure if it's anything really, but it is what it is and I'm still learning to live with it.

I'm not sure what's going to happen tomorrow, but I sure hope it comes quicker than today did. I'm tired of the days feeling endless, and the nights even longer.

I know it will get better, but I'm tired of asking when.

Maybe the glass really is half empty?

-Michael

Thoughts

2009-03-24T23:44:00.001-07:00

I want to run away and go somewhere where I don't know anyone. I'm afraid though, once I get there, everyone will be the same. Dealing with things caused by both themselves, and other people's problems. Living this lie we call life, trying to smile with nothing to be truly happy about. Hoping that one day things will get better, but making no effort to change anything along the way.

Part of it is my fault. Part of it isn't. The parts I can change, I am trying to. The other stuff is what it is. Yet, I still seem to care way more than I should, and this load, my heart is carrying, is getting heavier and heavier.

Jesus.
-Michael

If I seem a little out of it, Sorry.

2009-03-21T22:37:00.000-07:00

March has come and is almost past. This semester is half over. I am beginning to feel lost again. I don't know what it is. Whether it's the weather, or my mind. I can never feel content. I still don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing.

I can't help but to think back to high school and wish I tried hard. It's not even high school. It's everything. There are numerous instances I can think back on, and wish I'd put more effort into.

Maybe it's a sign. Maybe I'm just tired.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

--There's always air to breathe, and right now it's all I need.
Michael

Fiction

2009-02-10T22:10:00.000-08:00

As we walked down the littered pathway towards the brightly lit stands, all I could think about was your smile, happiness had never been so apparent.

I knew then that nothing in this world compared to the feel of your hand in mine, the love I had in my heart, and the look you had in your eye, every time you looked into mine.

The expectations were as thick as the August air, and your eyes were as bright as the lights all around us. Yet, I still wasn't sure what would happen, or where we'd be going. All I felt was confident, and failure was a nonexistent thought in my glory ridden mind. Winning that prize, gaining your trust, was heavy in my thoughts. This race was one I couldn't lose. At this point, we were together, and nothing could stop it.

As the darts sailed through the air, finding every one of their targets, that glimmer in your heart grew with each resonant pop. One after another, till all had been thrown.

If we didn't walk away with that giant teddy bear, it wouldn't be the end. Three dollars and five minutes wasted were nothing compared to the feelings we shared. These days and nights were what kept us close. The time we spent together meant more than anything.

You were everything I had, and nothing I had expected. You accepted me and nothing could change that. I knew you like my own, and still, with the prize in hand, you could only wonder why you were where you were, and why you'd been given what you had.

We were undeserving, we were nothing. We were human.

As the evening grew darker, and the rides came to slow down. Our hearts were still alive, and our hands were still holding on. Everyone around could see it glowing around us.

The time we spent together meant more than anything, you and I.

Sometime.

2009-01-31T01:03:00.000-08:00

Life lately has been better than ever. I've had a lot of fun since the semester's started, and I've met so many new and interesting people, it's hard to believe I have this time to sit down and write.

My design class is going well. I've started the preliminary stages on a project, and I'm really excited seeing the direction it's taken. It's a visual representation of sorts, but I think once it's done it's going to look incredible.

My computer science course is also going well. And while I've yet to master the concepts behind "Big Oh" notation, I'm pretty sure I'll have it down within the coming weeks.

February 14th - The Eagle's of Death Metal
February 24th - Ryan Adam's and The Cardinals
March 19th - All Shall Perish/The Ghost Inside/Emmure ???
March 24th - Ratatat
April 11th - Electric Six
April 24th - Of Montreal

The next few months should be really good as far as show's go. I'm really, really happy that I have such a great opportunity when it comes to music here in Columbia.

Lately, I've been focusing more on what I have and what I have been given. I have an incredible set of friends, a loving family, an awesome job, and I'm in school. Seriously, there isn't much else I can ask for, and since I've had time to sit and think tonight, these past couple weeks, have been the best yet.

The Rolling Stones said:
You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime,
you'll find, you get what you need.

And at this moment in my life,
I'm completely content having only what I need.
With love,
Michael

Worthwhile.

2009-01-22T23:16:00.000-08:00

So as it's already past the beginning of the semester here in Columbia, I am proud to say that I'm finally on a track to be proud of. This semester I'm getting a taste of actual design. I'm getting a taste of what could be my future, and I am more excited than I have ever been to be in school.

I'm not in a lot of hours currently, and there are many many reasons for this, but life right now is better than can be explained.

I've met a bunch of really cool people in the recent months. I've received confirmation on my application submission that could lead to a job in Australia over the summer/fall. I've begun planning my summer trip to Romania, if this Australia thing doesn't pan out. I've began to better appreciate the things I have, and am almost to the point of no longer being concerned with things I can not control.

I saw Cursive tonight at The Blue Note, which was simply amazing. I will see April C. Buckles Sunday. I will see Mr. and Mrs. Riley Stecker Monday. I start working again next week. I have the opportunity to buy a camera in the coming weeks, and go back into the tattoo shop within the month.

It feels simply ridiculous to have so many positive things going on at once. I've never felt so motivated, or supported.

In regards to everything the level of support and encouragement I've gotten in the past couple months is overwhelming, and I am finally beginning to see things in terms of the bigger picture. I couldn't ask for anything more than what I've been given at this very moment, and it feels great.

Oh, and my cat is now totally bad ass.

With love,
-Michael Quincy Nelson

Running.

2009-01-18T00:59:00.000-08:00

It seems like, if you've been blessed with two legs, and aren't chasing your dreams, you're making the biggest mistake of your life.

-Michael

I took a risk.

2009-01-14T21:41:00.000-08:00

If you had an opportunity to make a good amount of money, but would have to spend it away from everything you've previously known for six months, would you?

I'm currently involved in a process that could and may throw me in Australia for six months. I would make enough money in those six months to pay off my school debt, and finance the rest of my education.

It would be an unforgettable experience, and I welcome the thought with open arms.

I might have a heart attack, if this thing plays out.

-Michael

As it was written in blood.

2009-01-13T13:45:00.000-08:00

I finally made my way back to Columbia.

The whole purpose of me coming back to town early, aside from just coming home, was to work. I needed to make some money, and without fail, I managed to get exactly zero hours over the course of the next two weeks, and am still trying to figure out a way to fix this issue.

Portland was good, and while I can't say that it was the best holiday ever, due to the fact that I wasn't with my family for the majority of my time out of school, I had an amazing time.

I met a lot of people. I saw a lot of new things, and I pretty much solidified my decision to become a resident of that beautiful state one of these days.

Regarding everything else going on, stuff is good. I finally realized how lucky I am to have some of the things I have. 2 working legs, health, happiness, friends, and family. Whether or not I see or want other things to exist in my life, sometimes I lose track of some of the most important things, like those previously mentioned.

I'm ready for classes to start. I'm ready to work again. I'm ready for the semester to start, and I'm looking forward to all the possibilities that exist regarding this summer and opportunities to travel, and see more of the world.

Honest, genuine, open, moral, able, desirable, trust worthy, worry free, and driven.

- Michael

I'm still in Oregon.

2009-01-02T23:41:00.000-08:00

I'm going to Mt. Hood in the morning.

This trip has done more for me than I was hoping.
I hope everyone had a great holiday.

--Michael

December 31, 2008

2008-12-31T21:56:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to believe, even more than I had in the past, that a changes in pace and scenery are detrimental in changing the perspective you have when it comes to life, love, and happiness.

Life here seems a little bit lighter. It seems a little bit happier. It seems a little bit more comfortable. The people here breathe easier. Traffic moves a little faster, but peoples dreams do as well. The weather is on and off but all of that is relative when it comes to the cup of coffee you're drinking and the mountains sitting right outside the kitchen window. As this year comes to a close, I have been thinking back on all of the things that I have put myself through. All of the people that I have come into contact with, and those that I've just lost touch with. Every situation and every circumstance I've been involved in. Every hug and kiss, lasting glance, and fleeting moment. All of those things have helped me to grow and appreciate as an individual person, and have helped shape and mold the being that stands in front of you today, and tomorrow.

Of course the past year has held it's fair share of positive and negative. And looking back, I think I can finally say that, I wouldn't change any of it. The break ups and the break downs. The new friends, and the old ones. The bumps and bruises. The move ins and the move ons. All of it.

I'm starting to believe, also, that everything happens for a reason. Not necessarily always specific, or definitive, but sometimes vague and unknown. Doors open and doors close. Months from now, something you did may affect someone in an astronomical way. A year from now, someone you may have disliked may come back into your life in a more positive light. People change, and things rearrange themselves in and out of your life in order for you to become a better person. It's like sometimes things come together because other things fell apart. And that's not always a bad thing, but I think as people, we have to be prepared for whatever may happen, and always hope for the best.

Thinking back, I think that as the coming year is only hours away, my 'resolution' for 2009, is simply going to be to take things as they come, with a little less seriousness and a little more thought. Risk a little more. Love more completely. And breathe when a breath is allowed.

I don't quite know what my expectations for this year are. I know I will be in school, and I know that I might go to Europe for a small stint. I might come back to Oregon, and I might finally visit a beach somewhere. But all of that is 'TBA' and I've come to realize that keeping things low key is one of the best ways to live life.

I hope you have a great year, and I hope that nothing too tragic happened this past year. I hope you find everything you're looking for, and that in the coming months you lend more thought to loving people, and giving more.

All we are are people in the same big pool. Some of us just don't know how to swim, and that's nothing you can change.

-Michael

A christmas spent in the Portland rain

2008-12-25T16:54:00.001-08:00

has made me ever thankful for DietCoke® and great conversation.

-------------------

My trip from Kansas City to Denver went well, Denver to Portland, wasn't as exciting, but it was a smooth flight.

When I finally got to Portland, I caught the Max, and found Union Station. I had missed my train to Seattle, and after deciding that I couldn't spend the night at the station. I made a few phone calls and found a hostel to stay at.

Portland is wrecked at the moment. Snow makes this city go nuts.

This Christmas has been pleasant. I've realized, after not being drowned by the weight of gift giving and commercialized cheer, there is a lot more emotion and excitement in life. And that complete strangers in the right environment can become best of friends.

So far, it seems that not knowing what's coming next teaches you how to appreciate things. When the friends you have are travelers simply living to see a world that is new and different each and every day, you learn how to live responsibly, and to love differently, and somehow things start to seem more complete.

The guy sleeping next to me is from Norway. The guy above, Chili.
It's been an interesting day, and the fact that people have so much to talk and be happy about is astounding.

This world is a wonderful place; and I was worried about wet shoes, and the train I missed. - Michael

December 23rd

2008-12-23T02:53:00.000-08:00

In a couple hours, my family is going to go grab breakfast.
And then, we're going shopping.

I need:
Long Underwear Bottoms
A SOLID Winter Hat
A Loofah
A Hooded Sweatshirt
A Ridiculous Christmas Sweater
A White Elephant Gift
A pair of fitting gloves
and
Possibly a camera.

It should be a good day, and my plane leaves 12:00 noon Wednesday.
I should be ready by then.
-Michael

I think;

2008-12-16T13:52:00.001-08:00

I've decided what it is I want to do.
Maybe.
-Michael

Turning that leaf.

2008-12-15T22:44:00.000-08:00

As of yesterday, I took some steps that were long overdue.
I started over.
I made it new.
I finally figured it out.
I leave for Portland in a week.

I'm ready to see these people.
I'm ready to relax, and take it all in.
I'm ready for 2009, and a fresh start.

Loving people never felt so easy; and with a soul like like the open pages of a great novel, all you can do is turn the page and read on.
-Michael

Thinking 'generally', is harder than it seems.

2008-12-09T22:46:00.000-08:00

So for a while, I had placed a lot of emphasis on the past.
I got over it. Then I started placing more emphasis on the future.
Which got old after a while, especially when I have no idea where I want to end up, realistically.

All that lead me to believe that focusing on the here and now, was the best possible way to go about day to day life. And it worked. For a day.

And now I've come to the conclusion that focusing only on what is going on at the moment, is a horrible way to live life. Firstly, because not a whole lot ever goes on, and secondly, because it lends no thought to what is going to happen tomorrow, and I think responsibly one should be focused a little on whats ahead in order to be better prepared.

All I want to know is, why is it so hard to figure things out in terms of life in general, and how, unless I really just stop thinking, is it ever going to get any easier.
-Michael

p.s.
I really wish the email message attached to that post secret was from you.

Friendship.

2008-12-07T14:58:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't spend it with her, even if I could.
I don't want to, and it's a nice change.

-----------------

Sometimes I feel like people are inept when it comes to the feelings of others, and the fact that sometimes people are just nice, because they can be, not because they have ulterior motives, or a hidden agenda.

I'm not saying always, but I am beginning to feel like some of the things I do go unnoticed, and aren't appreciated as they should be. Maybe it's supposed to be that way? Maybe some people just don't know how to have an honest friendship. Maybe I ask too much.

I am friends with you because I want to be, not because I have to be. If you want things to be different, or if you feel obligated to be my friend, quit. It's not going to hurt my feelings, because, I would rather have a few solid relationships, than a million worthless ones. I would rather you be honest, and up front, than to be nice out of convenience. I don't need the fucking charity, believe me.

I live my life trying to be as genuine as possible. I keep things low key for a reason. I don't have a lot of friends, not because I can't, but because a lot of people out there are just too busy and too caught up in material things and impractical projects, to notice.

Figure out what is important people. I'm not sure it's really that hard...
-Michael

23 Days

2008-12-02T23:44:00.001-08:00

Twenty three days stand between me and Portland Oregon.
Twenty three days stand between me and Seattle Washington.
Twenty three days stand between me and a good, deep breath.
Twenty three days stand between me and a slow, steady walk.
Twenty three days stand between me and the wide open west ocean.

I have never been more ready to stand on the edge of the sea and breath deep.
I have never been more ready to stare out into the empty ocean and watch nothing.
I have never been more ready for this, my second chapter, to begin.

I'm taking a trip this winter, and it is going to be filled with quiet nights, and steady thinking. I'll get to see a few people I haven't seen in ages, and I'll get to be overly responsible in my daily motions.

The beauty that is waiting for me on that western shore is only one I can look at in pictures and hear about in stories. The mountains and the trees. The people and the crisp clean air.

Oregon awaits, and I am only waiting.

I never thought it would be this easy -- Michael

Signs of the Season

2008-11-30T21:51:00.000-08:00

On a busy street in the middle of town the snow fell, so slowly.
And even with the best of friends, a person can feel so lonely.

I walked down the street tonight, and for a moment things were alright.

I thought about the past, and exactly how fast,
all of this has come and gone.

I reached my front porch, and stopped to take it in.
Thinking, when will the rest of my life begin?

The wreath hanging on my front door, and the fire burning in it's place warmed my heart, even though the bitter air and the blistering wind had shattered my spirit just moments before.

As thoughts rolled like an avalanche, my pen scratched simple words into a journal filled with ill thought and blissful wisdom.

As moments turned to minutes, and minutes to miles, those thoughts played out like a well rehearsed scene. Fights and forgiveness, hugs and history seemed to be playing in my eyes like a movie on the screen.

And as soon as it had began, it was over, and I finally realized, it was never me that wasn't good enough, just as it wasn't me that had turned day to night.

The rains come, and the winds blow. Seasons change, and lovers grow.
Suns rise, and stars fall. Coffee grows cold like a tree grows tall.
Though no matter how hard you try, one man isn't capable of moving mountains.

Tonight I experienced a thought I never thought would come. Tonight things changed, finally. I'm ready for the rest of this story to begin.

25 days.
-Michael

Thinking on the holiday.

2008-11-26T19:42:00.000-08:00

News Flash. Being home is weird.

Aside from getting to spend some quality time with my mom, and enjoying the company of good friends, nothing has changed, and I don't like it.

Went to the dentist today. No cavities. No wisdom teeth.

Went to the eye doctor today. T-Minus 3 weeks until I start wearing glasses. Shit.

Anyways, aside from a day filled with both awesome and not-so-awesome news, I'm doing well.

Looking forward to Christmas holiday, I can't believe that it is only a few weeks away. Portland and Seattle will be a great opportunity for me to open my eyes, and breathe, and for that I am more thankful each and every day.

I can't believe how easy it really is just to be positive. Life isn't full of disappointment anymore, and the disappointments that do and will exist seem only minuscule to the problems other people I know are dealing with. Even if things that could happen scare the absolute shit out of me. Risk is risk, and that's what makes life worth every penny. As for fear, a good friend told me the other day -
--------
All I know is that love is a risk, and if you're waiting to have all the answers before you begin to love someone, you're doing two things:

1) Pre-establishing a standard of qualification in the other person, which is grossly unfair

and

2) Shorting both of you by wasting valuable time you could have spent together while you were trying to get answers to questions that are unanswerable.
--------

The above has done a lot for me both mentally and emotionally, but overall I've come to grasp that expectations are a horrible idea, and that if something is going to happen, whether it be pertaining to a romantic relationship, or a friendship, you can never and will ever have all of the answers, and waiting for those answers is only a waste of time. Time spent building that friendship or establishing that trust. As well, I've learned that risk is everything, and if you're waiting for confirmation in order to trust someone, whether it be 1st or 3rd party given, you've only wasted that time. On top of that fact, if you take away that risk, you will never fully grow as a person, and will only ever expect a positive outcome which is a mistake. In order to succeed you must fail, and in order to earnestly grow, you have to know that the mentioned failure and others are always a possibility.

I guess, after all of that, what I'm trying to say is that, I know I'm not perfect and no one I meet will ever be perfect, but it's the risk involved, and the outcome that follows that risk that makes a relationship of any type worth while.

As Thanksgiving is just around the corner, I find it appropriate to say that with all that I have, I am thankful for everyone that is involved in my life. I am thankful for my mother, and my sister. I am thankful for you and the rest of my friends, and I am thankful for the opportunities I have been given in the last four months.

Love your friends and families,
I hope everyone has a great holiday.
-Michael

Witness.

2008-11-23T18:07:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about the future a lot lately.

When winter break arrives, spring semester will be right around the corner. After which spring break will happen, and then it will only be weeks before summer starts. As of today I will be in Columbia for the summer, for sure, Starbucks'n it up.

And while I know I'll have plenty of stuff on my plate, I only wish I had the opportunity to take summer classes. In all actuality, the only thing I really want right now, more than anything, is a degree.

I'm not really tired of the college grind, and while it may sound like I'm complaining, I promise, these past months, have been more than I bargained for. And not in complexity, but in variety and discovery.

I've learned more about other people and myself, that I have in a long time. I grew into new habits, and out of old ones. I took huge steps towards bettering myself as a person, and tiptoed ever closer towards the 'final product' that I'll no doubt end up becoming.

I've been happier here than I (ever?) was at SBU, not in company but in generality. I've been more successfully independent in the past 3 months that I have been since I graduated, and, in my eyes, I've been a better friend that I ever was.

I'm no product of Columbia, and am no product of Kansas City. I am a product of my own making. Tried and tested, solid and sound. I am more joyous on a regular basis with the person I've become, and looking towards the future, have never had a brighter outlook on the possibilities, and opportunities that I continue to set myself up with.

I continually surprise myself with the positive results I continually get by having the friends I have and the job(s) I've been given. I have yet to regret anything about my decision on moving here to Columbia, and I, in all honesty, have yet to see the slightest hint of anything that would cause me to feel that way.

I guess I'm just saying I'm happy you guys are here to witness this, and be a part of all of it. Life is full of twists and turns, but if you've got people in the carts next to you, that roller coaster doesn't seem so bad. In the end, the minute or two it takes to get around the track is what makes all the difference in the world. And afterwards taking that chance never felt so good.

-Michael

I grew a pair, and finally cut the chord.

2008-11-19T22:46:00.001-08:00

So. Seriously.

This week a lot has happened. With me, with people, with things. It's ridiculous, and I'm not going to spell it all out. If, however, you want to know, just ask.

In the past I tended to be a bit of a bitch about things, I will admit it. Especially when it came to girls, and even more so when it came to Megan.

Now, I'm not going to compose a memoir about our relationship, or how I feel about the situation, because, I've done it before, and it gets me no where. I'm not going to dwell on things I can not change, and that is because I truly believe that even when part of the past is significant, there is no way to change it, and the only thing that you can do is learn and grow. I will say however, that I am a better person today than I was yesterday, and I will be a better person tomorrow because of the things that happened today. On another note, I finally got my work schedule switched around, and it's working out better than I had planned.

-----------------------------------------------
This week has been far from uneventful:
Saturday. Yeah, Saturday. (I want to talk about it, if there's something to talk about.)

Sunday - What a relaxing day. Did some laundry, ate some food.

Monday and Tuesday - School and work.

Wednesday - School, Chipotle, and work. Best-Comedy-Wars-Yet.

Tomorrow - Who knows?

Friday - Not a clue.
-----------------------------------------------

Anyhow, I can't begin to explain how good it feels to finally be able to understand everything that people pounded into my head over the past several weeks, and know that things are getting better, and that the future will be brighter than the past.

Life is life, embrace it like a warm hug.
Friends are everything, love them like nothing else.
People are people, accept them, and their flaws.
Mistakes are mistakes, know you'll make them, and learn from them.
Perfection doesn't exist. Acknowledge it, and show your best.

I think I've finally realized that people are going to accept me for who I am and all that I have to offer. All I can do is smile. Being genuine and caring, and understand that even if it rains, tomorrow it could be eighty degrees and sunny. A month from now my fortune could change. Six months from now I don't know where I'll be. A year? Wow.

As the days have passed I have realized that my attitude and outlook makes all the difference. People see the me I want them to see, and if it's the best I want them to see, it's the best I have to show.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, you guys are more than I could ever have asked for. And it's making all the difference. I can't express how thankful I am.

Honestly.
-Michael

Looking back, and forward.

2008-11-18T02:14:00.001-08:00

So far this week has gone by quickly. Yeah, I know it's only tuesday, and barely, but I've already taken care of most of this week's chores. Thinking back, on the spring and summer, I think I would rather the weeks fly by, but then again, maybe sometimes slow is a good thing.

Looking forward, here's why I'm excited:
I'll get to see my mom and take her out to lunch.

I'll get to hangout with my sister agian, which will be eye-opening, and refreshing.

I'll get to see old friends, and hangout with new ones. But then again I'm not sure they're really all that new anymore...

I'll get to go to the dentist.

And I'll get some time to think and breathe, and enjoy life.

As for my friends, if any of you read this. I'm really happy things are going in the direction they are. There are occassions that I feel undeserving of friends like you guys, and even though I don't know everything about any of you, I'm glad that we've had the opportunity to get to know each other. And look forward to the coming semester and year(s).

I can't say how glad I am having made the decision to move to Columbia.

I can't say how happy I get thinking about the possibilities that now exist because I'm back in school, and working towards exactly what I want.

I can't express how emotionally overjoyed I am on a consistent basis, even though I still have my days, knowing and being surrounded by such a solid set of people.

I guess that's what I'm thankful for most.
Honestly,
-Michael

Happy (early) Thanksgiving.

There's always time.

2008-11-16T11:51:00.000-08:00

The past couple weeks have seemingly flown by, and I'm not complaining, but I wish things would slow down.

It's almost Thanksgiving, and it seems like only a week ago I moved to Columbia.

The friends I have are great, and the classes I have, while trying, are trivial.

Looking back I wasted a lot of time hovering over things that never mattered, and instead should have learned quick, and ran with the knowledge I gained.

Past is still past, and I still have no regrets.

I am looking forward to Portland and Seattle.
I am looking forward to more snow.
I am looking forward to forming better relationships with the people I know, and building new ones with people I've yet to meet.

All you've got to do is remember that life is way to short to worry about things you can not change, and instead strive to positivley affect things we have been given the ability to change. Move a little closer to the people you care about, and distance yourself from things that are no longer important.

-Michael

Itenerary: Christmas 2008

2008-11-10T12:25:00.000-08:00

Flight to Portland:
December 24th, 2008
Leaves MCI (Kansas City) 12:02 pm cst
Arrives DEN (Denver) 12:55 pm mt
Leaves DEN (Denver) 02:42 pm mt
Arrives PDX (Portland) 04:40 pm pst
--------------------------------------
Amtrak to Seattle:
Leaves PDX 06:14 pm pst
Arrives SEA 09:45 pm pst

Schedule:
Pike Place Market, The Space Needle, Ferry Ride through Peugeot Sound.
Food?
Lodging: Hostel Seattle

Amtrak back to Portland
December 26, 2008
Leaves SEA 11:20 am pst
Arrives PDX 03:00 pm pst
--------------------------------------
Schedule while in Oregon. TBA.
--------------------------------------
Flight Home
January 7th, 2009
Leaves PDX (Portland) 01:55 pm cst
Arrives DEN (Denver) 05:19 pm mt
Leaves DEN (Denver) 07:00 pm mt
Arrives MCI (Kansas City) 09:36 pm pst

All I know right now is that I'm leaving, and I'm going to take my sweet time coming back. If you want to go with me, Tell me.

Today's been good so far. Not much else is going on.
-Michael

2008-11-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

I bought my ticket to Portland yesterday, and I've never looked forward to something more in my life. Things are changing for the better these days, and I'm honestly happy to say that the future has never looked so bright. The daily grind is beginning to seem less like a chore and more like something to look forward to. Unbelievably.

Tomorrow is another day, filled with endless possibilities, and unknown obstacles. Even more so, I've realized that life is way too short to worry about any of the little things, and have began to realize that when and if things happen, they will happen on their own accord, and all I can do is embrace each and every day with open arms and wide eyes.

I look forward to next week and next month. Thanksgiving break, and Portland in December. A warm cup of coffee, and a good book to read. The company of great friends, and the unexpected advice from strangers. Establishing new relationships and fortifying old ones. Living love, and loving people.

--Am I supposed to ask about you?
Michael

A best friend.

2008-11-06T13:44:00.000-08:00

I was reading the news on CNN this afternoon, and happened across a story about a man that died while picking up signs from the election Tuesday.

I also watched a short clip featuring the Obama family, and focusing on Barack's relationship with his wife and Kids.

Both of these stories made me realize exactly what I want in life, and how hard it might actually be to find.

I want a best friend, a team mate, and someone to dance with.
Life is too short to worry about it, but when I get to thinking, my conscience gets the best of me, and I start to think that nothing seems more impossible.

Today I had an Art History Exam. I'm afraid of what the grade will be.

Tomorrow is Friday, and I'm thinking about coming to Kansas City Friday night and part of Saturday.

As for the aforementioned, I'm not sure what is going on any more. I guess life is full of opportunity for learning and growing, and whether it's forced or given, it has to be accepted.

One day everything will fall into place, and I guess until it does, life will remain a mystery.

With Love,
-Michael

Another week...

2008-11-04T18:42:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was good.
Monday was good.
Today was good.

I still have no complaints.

Test thursday will be rough, but I'll make it.
Margot tonight. Every Time I Die Sunday.
Should be pretty exciting.

I voted, and I got some more tattoos.

Have a good week.
-Michael

My goal.

2008-10-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

Live with a "get by giving" philosophy.

Set a standard, and live it, despite temptations to lower it.

Be willing to work toward a common good, no matter the situation.

Do what you say you'll do, sometimes more, and never less.

Live, and love life.

I had a good weekend.

-Michael

Hope

2008-10-22T12:22:00.001-07:00

It's weird to me how life has taken so many unexpected turns in the last few days, and for the first time in my entire life, I have this feeling of complete sensory failure.

Everything I encounter has ties to something in the past, and whether it be only a faint memory, all that I've experienced has seemed to bring itself back into reality.

A huge part of my life changed over the weekend, and it was as unexpected as it was unplanned. Alien feelings sought war with my conscience, and a hurt I'd never felt before reared itself in every corner of my heart. I had no control over it, and in the end it turned out I was the only one to blame.

However unintentional this was, this monster that I've dealt with has changed my outlook on life, and love, and personal investment. And I've yet to be convinced whether it's for the better or worse.

A year and half, while nothing in comparison to others out there, was a long time, and a lot of devotion. I had so much love invested in a single person, and I wouldn't have changed that for the world.

I don't know where I'll go, and I'm not sure what I'll experience. But this was something that I will never forget. Even if I am only allowed to look back on it with dangerous envy. I may not ever know what is going to happen,

but I guess there's always hope.

-Michael

I got a new phone.

2008-10-19T19:28:00.001-07:00

My number is (573)999-1802.

School is going well.

As for other things, I know they will shape up.
Whether it be the way I hope, or not, only time will tell.

I'm ready to ride down the street covered in leaves.
I'm ready to see people wearing coats and scarves.
I'm ready to smell burning fire places, and feel home again.

Manny.

-Michael